Have you heard the story of the wife who noticed the new neighbors who moved in across the street? Every evening, she peeked through the curtain and watched as the husband came home from work.

She couldn’t miss the fact the nearly every night, this man would bring home flowers or a little gift for his wife. She’d run to greet him as he got out of the car, and he’d hand her a gift. Then they’d hug and kiss until they had walked inside and closed the door behind them.
One night after watching this same gushy scene repeated over and over, the poor neighbor woman finally reached the breaking point. The moment her husband walked in the door, she said, “Have you noticed we have new neighbors across the street?”
As he dropped his briefcase on the floor and fell into the easy chair in front of the television replied, “Yeah, I’ve noticed we have new neighbors.”
“But have you noticed what they do every night?”
“No dear,” he answered, “I haven’t noticed.”
She continued, “Every night when he comes home he gives her a big kiss, he hugs her, and he almost always brings her a special gift.” The she added, “How come you don’t ever do that?”
Her husband stared at her with a puzzled look on his face and said, “Honey, I can’t do that. I hardly know the woman!”

Let me ask you. Did the man miss the point his wife was making or did he purposely make the humorous comment?

I share this story to illustrate the common tactic of trying to get our spouse, friend, child, and coworker to change. I frequently advise persons to avoid nagging the people they care about, but sometimes I need to be reminded to heed such counsel. Most of us have probably made attempts at trying to change someone else, especially a person with whom we have a close or potentially close relationship. It seems human nature to ignore or cover up our own weaknesses by pointing out those of others. While we may use this approach, it is not the best way and it is not God’s way. If we have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, we are to have a new divine, godly nature.

As we look at the Scriptures we see that HONOR, is an aspect of love that often gets overlooked. Today I do not intend to do an expository message on these texts, but think briefly about honor.

I. Principle

The principle of honor is found in the Bible. An example Ephesians 5 and 6 where we find this principle in human relationships: wife – husband, child – parent, employee –employer, and our relationship wife God. While we often think of this portion of Scripture teaching mutual submission and submission of a wife to her husband, very clearly these verses tell us about husbands loving their wives and wives honoring or respecting their husbands. With the beautiful symbolism, here we are taught that each person who believes in Christ is the bride of Christ. As the bride of Christ we are to honor others and God. Paul also went on to quote the fifth commandment, “Honor your Father and Mother.”

Peter gives some specifics of a wife honoring her husband and tells husbands, “Grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life” and “live with your wives in an understanding way.”

Other passages such as Matthew 6 that may not actually use the word “honor” teach that this principle is not only the basis of our human relationships, but also is at the heart of our relationship with God. 6:19-21,33.

Gary Smalley wrote, “Honor is the foundation for all human relationships. Along with John Trent Gary also wrote a book Love Is a Decision from which I will quote again this morning.

When the New Testament was written honor referred to something heavy or weighty in a good sense, such as gold being heavy and valuable. On the other hand, the Greeks pictured dishonor as mist or steam in the sense of being light and insignificant like clouding a mirror.

With this in mind Gary Smalley wrote:
When we honor particular people, we’re saying in effect that who they are and what they say carries great weight with us. They’re extremely valuable in our eyes. Just the opposite is true when we dishonor them. In effect, by our verbal or nonverbal statements we’re saying that their word or actions make them of little value or “light-weights” in our eyes.

When the Apostle Paul wanted the Corinthians believes to repents from their immoral life-styles and renew their love for Christ, he told them. “You were bought with a price [literally, with “honor]. Therefore honor God with your body.” (I Corinthians 6:20)

Let’s go from this principle of honor to the

II. Priority of Honor

The priority really comes out of the principle. Who, what, is really important, precious, to us? Does God take priority? That is also the concept of Lordship we have been talking about the last few weeks.

Do our relationships within our family have a high priority of honor?

I have previously quoted from Gary Smalley who is a Christian counselor and speaker, focusing on family and marriage. He wrote about his weakness in the fifth year of his marriage to Norma.

Norma told Gary:
“Gary, I feel like everything on this earth is far more important to you than I am…”
“I feel that all the football games you watch on television are more important than I am, the newspaper, your hobbies, your counseling at the church. Gary, I can spend hours working in the kitchen, and you never say a word. I can even farm out the kids to a baby sitter and have a candlelight dinner all prepared for you, and the phone will ring and you’ll say, ‘Oh, I’m not doing anything important. I’m just eating. Sure, I’ll be right over.’ Then you’re gone, telling me to keep something warm for you in the oven.
“I’m not saying that your counseling isn’t important, but many of those couples you talk to have struggled with their problems for year! Taking one night out to spend with you wife isn’t going to bother them-but it’s killing us!”

Gary would not have said that Football, TV, the newspaper, hobbies and work were more important than Norma, but that is what he was communicating to her. By his priorities, he was violating the principle of honor, shutting the door to the kind of home and family he had wanted all his life.

Speaking of priorities Gary explained:
For me, that fateful conversation with my wife at the kitchen table forced me to get my spiritual and family life in order. In fact, I actually began to prioritize my life from zero to ten, zero being something of little value, ten something of highest value.

I established God and my relationship with Christ as the highest-a ten. On a consistent basis, I began looking at my spiritual life and asking the question, “One to ten, where is my spiritual life with Christ?” “How highly do I value His Word?” “Prayer?” “Sharing my faith?”

Then I placed Norma above everything else on this earth, way up in the nines. With this relationship, too, I often asked myself (and Norma), “Howe am I doing at making you feel like you’re up in the high nines, above every one of my hobbies and friends, and favorite sports team?” What can I do to keep you believing you’re a high nine?”

How about you? If you were to rate the “honor” quotient of your marriage relationship right now, where would it be? Where do you think your spouse would rate it? Have you asked him or her lately?

You’re probably as convinced as I am that we need to give God the honor He deserves first, and then make honor a non-negotiable item in our home, but you may still have questions about how to honor those you love in a practical way.”

From the Principle of Honor to the Priority of Honor lets go to the:

III. Practice of Honor

The Scriptures do not give us principle and help us set priorities so that we can ignore them, but so that we practice honor. Again, Smalley wrote:
When I came face to face with the concept of “honor” in a home, I suddenly understood why a major part of my prayer life was being hindered. When it came to Norma, the person who from an earthly perspective should receive the “highest value” I could give, I put a hundred things ahead of her. Work projects were more important to me than my mate, and while it’s to my shame to admit it, there were countless times that a mountain trout, a small white golf ball, numerous church meetings, close friends and acquaintances-and almost anything “interesting” on television-took the place of honor that should have been reserved for Norma.

If someone had stopped me on the street or at church and asked me if I loved my wife, I would have answered emphatically “Yes!” The problem was, you could never tell I loved Norma by her place of honor (her priority status) in comparison to a hundred more “important things in my life. So right there at our kitchen table, I pledged to change. I didn’t realize all the implications of what I was doing, but I had a profound sense that things in the Smalley house would never be the same-and they haven’t been.

First, I went alone before my Heavenly Father and asked His forgiveness for my incredible selfishness. I realize that at times, many things, even good things like my ministry, had taken on more “weight” to me than my relationship with the Lord. That would have to change. I knew that the first step toward giving my wife honor had to be giving God the place of honor reserved only for Him in my life.

It was hard to admit, but I was coming to realize that the idea of honor was out of balance in my life. At that point, something interesting happened. Almost immediately, I noticed it was easier than ever to pray and read the Scriptures.

Because I valued too many other things of this world more than my time in God’s Word, I didn’t naturally dive into the Bible and pray early in our marriage. In addition I wasn’t obeying the command of Scripture to “give honor” to my wife. Today, because of my decision to make God the “weightiest” person in my life-and my commitment to give Norma the “honor” she deserves-one of the most natural things I do in the course of a day is to pray and spend time in His Word. It was time to humbly go back down in the valley to Norma and ask her to forgive me for the way I’d treated her.

“Honey,” I said, “I know we both want to give God first place in our lives. But from an earthly perspective, I want you to be above everything or everyone else in my life.” Going to Norma was an extremely traumatic moment for me, and it would prove to be a major turning point in my life and in our marriage. But there was one problem. Norma didn’t believe me that day.

I knew I had come face to face with the truth of God’s Word, and that my life was going to be different as a result, but she thought it was more empty word. So she threw out a half-convincing, “Yeah, okay,” at my vow to honor her and got up from the table to continue preparing dinner.

It’s not that Norma lack faith in God, or in His Word. From the first time I met her almost twenty-nine years ago until today, I’ve always been blesses by her deep faith and commitment to Christ. What she lacked wasn’t faith in God, but faith in her husband. She needed a track record of being “honored” from a husband who had never practiced it.

I have to admit that at the time, I didn’t know exactly what it meant to put the concept of honor into action in our home, but I knew enough to realize that honor would have to be a daily-sometimes hourly-decision. And I had made that decision. Have you?

That is a penetrating personal question for husbands and wives, for parents and children, for grandparent and grandchildren, for each of us with God and the other significant human relationships we have.

Conclusion

In case any of us have missed the point, or fail to realize how each member of the family of God is to practice honor let me close with a top ten list of dishonoring acts in a home.

10.      Ignoring or degrading another person’s opinions, advice, or beliefs, (especially criticizing another person’s faith.)
9.       Burying oneself in the television or newspaper when another person is trying to communicate with us.
8.       Creating jokes about another person’s weak areas or shortcomings (Sarcasm or cutting jokes act like powerful emotional word pictures and do lasting harm in a relationship.)
7.       Making regular verbal attacks on loved one: criticizing harshly, being judgmental, delivering uncaring lectures.
6.       Treating in-laws or other relatives as unimportant in one’s planning and communication.
5.       Ignoring or simply not expressing appreciation for kind deeds done for us.
4.       Distasteful habits that are practiced in front of the family-even after we are asked to stop.
3.       Over committing ourselves to other projects or people so that everything outside the home seems more important than those inside the home.
2.       Power struggled that leave one person feeling that he or she is a child or is being harshly dominated.
1.       An unwillingness to admit that we are wrong or ask forgiveness.

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