How many of you have made an attempt at archery? I did many years ago. How many of you would say you have mastered the sport? Why not the rest of us? Well, I have read that archery is one of the most difficult sports to master.

Some people assume that if you point the arrow in the right direction and let go, (and pray a lot!) that the arrow will land on the target. To that assumption a professional archer has said. "That isn't true. It is very important how you let go - the amount of tension on the bow, the position of your arms and shoulders, the release, where you fix your eyes in relation to the tip of the arrow. It's an exacting skill."

While archery is a fine sport that I enjoyed as a youth, my intention on this Father's Day is NOT to encourage you to all become experts at archery. My intention is to build upon the message that I shared with you on Mother's Day. Borrowing some keen spiritual insights from Pastor Charles Swindoll commenting on Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent), and when he is old he will not depart from it."

The idea that I want us to consider today has to do with the "way" a child should go. I want to review this concept and expand upon it. "Way" speaks of in keeping with, in cooperation with the way he should go, according to his way. We who wish to be wise parents need to observe our children so that we can discover their individual ways and adapt our training of them accordingly.

Read Psalm 7:12 and 11:2. This is the same word way, describing an archer with his bow and arrows. This is the bent or the bending of the bow in Proverbs 22:6. (Paraphrase) "Adapt the training of your child so that it is in keeping with his God-given characteristics and tendencies, when he comes to maturity he will not depart from the training he has received."

Each child that God places in our arms already has a bent, a set of some characteristics that have already been established. This bent is determined to some extent before the child becomes ours to parent. And, if you have more than one child, or have observed families with two children or more, you should realize that siblings are not all alike. Right? That was certainly the case in the Russell and Joyce Wittern household and in the Gust and Martha Hendrickson household, and probably your also.

Think about a few families in the Bible, too. Were Cain and Able brothers with similar characteristics? What about the twin brothers, Jacob and Esau? Solomon and Absalom are another example of brothers as different as night and day.

What should the wise parent say and do? You are going to shape up my way? No, we should study each child, seeking to know the way God made that child and adjust our training to fit.

It is very easy for us as parents to compare our children with each other or compare them to children in another family and bring our expectations to bear upon them. Doing so could stifle individuality and creativity. What about our expectations for grades, report cards, athletic, musical, performance, and other abilities.

With this in mind I would like to have us consider for a few moments, what Pastor Chuck Swindoll has called two major bents that we ought to be aware of in our children.

"First, every child has bents or tendencies toward good. There are certain characteristics woven into the inner fabric of each child that give him his physical features, emotions, basic personality, interests and abilities. We'll call these tendencies 'good bents' for lack of a better description. They are productive and beneficial to the child and the world he enters.


Second, every child has bents or tendencies toward evil. There are certain characteristics within every child that inevitably result in conflict, heartaches, anxiety, and selfishness. This bent is inherited originally from Adam, and specifically from mom and dad. It is the sinful nature of humanity passed on from parent to child, from one generation to the next. An additional factor that cannot be ignored in this evil bent is a chain of sinful characteristics that can be traced back through each child's ancestors."

How does the wise Father and Mother deal with these bents, the good bents, and the evil bents?

Dealing with:

I. Good Bents

Let's read a few verse from Psalm 139 that describe the good bents God gave to each of us before we were born. Read verses 13-16.

Thou, in the Hebrew text is emphatic. YOU, God, Not someone, Not Mother Nature, Not the man upstairs, Not a mere happening. Inward parts speaks of all vital organs that are life giving and life sustaining. Knit speaks of weaving. It is a picture of God individually making each child just the WAY He wants the child to be.
In verse 14 the Psalmist expresses thanks for how we have been fearfully and wonderfully made. My frame is our bony substance, skeleton, not hidden. It is skillfully wrought, a picture of various variegated colors, like tapestry, needlepoint, embroidery, fit together in special manners revealing unique beauty.

The unformed substance is the embryo which is not seen, that is literally watched over by God, our master designer and architect. Thy book refers to the days God ordained for us.

GM Autos have printed on their name plate, Body by Fisher. Whether we realize it or not, we have bodies by God.

What a challenge for us to really get to know the special child God has given to us and pray that we train this child according to his God given bents.

Some well meaning parent might say that by forcing their child they are training him or her as the Bible says. However, forcing is not the first step in training. First we must know our child and the special way our child is made.

As I have mentioned previously, there can be a real problem in a home where a father is trying to live out his unrealized expectations of himself through a son or daughter. Suppose the athletic father has a musically talented son who is not interested in playing football or basketball, but instead loves to play the piano and violin. Dad tries to force his son to learn to play ball. Dad yells, Son tries to explain, but Dad will not listen. Son tries to please Dad, but is not an athlete. Dad does not face the fact that his Son has a wonderful bent toward music rather than sports, and a rift grow between them.

How much better it is to deal with the good bent - cultivating and encouraging our child's God given qualities to reach his or her maximum potential for the Lord!

Dealing with:

II. Evil Bents

As wonderful as the good bents are - even in those who are marvelously blessed to grow up with Christian parents - also have evil bents - a general bent toward evil. Psalm 51:5 tells of our bent toward evil, a bent to sin with which all except the virgin born Son of God were born. "Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity." In other words, the Psalmist is saying, "From the beginning, by nature, I was a sinner."

This is what Paul wrote to the Romans: "Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned. Romans 5:12.

While I believe that precious newborns are beautiful creations of God, they are by nature alienated from God. I was amazed to read these read from the Minnesota Crime Commission a few years ago:

Every baby started each life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered. He wants what he wants when he wants it, his bottle, his mother's attention, his playmate's toy, his uncle's watch. Deny these and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness, which would be murderous, were he not so helpless. He is in fact, dirty. He has no morals, no knowledge, and no skills. This means that all children are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in the self-centered world of his infancy, given free reign to his impulsive actions, to satisfy his wants, every child would grow up a criminal, a thief, a killer, a rapist."

This sounds like a description of original sin. We must face the reality that the children God gives us are sinful, fallen, depraved, and in need of restoration. P.T.L. He who has created has made re creation possible through the power of Jesus Christ. Each child must come by faith to know Jesus Christ personally, to break the evil bent and fully realize the good bents. Each child must be born again to overcome the evil bents.

Conclusion

Action points:

1. Do all you can possibly do to lead your child to personal faith in Jesus Christ.

2. Pray for insight and wisdom to see the character of your children.

3. Be a student of your children, determining along with your spouse, to know the bents and characteristics of your children.

4. Seek to be consistent in discipline, in love and in reactions.

5. Have open and loving communication within your whole family.

These things are much more important than archery.

Return